Things GBS has taught me that I never knew I’d learn (or My Reintroduction to Daytime Television)

I’ve learned many things since a week ago Saturday, but perhaps the most unexpected has been my reintroduction to daytime television, which I haven’t watched in YEARS.

New developments for those of you in my situation:

• The angry daughter from Roseanne (Sara Gilbert), is on a talk show with the wife from King of Queens (Leah Remini) and Ozzy’s wife (Sharon Osborne). The show is brutal. Today the women started talking about their Valentine’s Day sex. I watched 45 seconds of it and turned it off.

• Nancy Grace has a TV show where she appears to administer justice (like Judge Judy) via a satellite video link between a courtroom in some city and whatever city Grace’s production studio is in. Equally awful, but also strangely amusing. Total time watched: 2 minutes

• Soap operas are still really bad. I caught 15 seconds of one while eating some baked ziti this afternoon. In it, some ridiculously ripped dude was wearing a T-shirt with the printing from a ouija board on it. It was faded and smudged in all the right places. Something tells me ABC paid $250 for that shirt.

• Telemundo continues to be the king of daytime awesome; airing stuff that – if MTV had aired it – would send parental groups into a tizzy. Today there was some show where dudes in nothing but a nude-colored Speedo, a fig leaf and flip flops had to bob for apples and carry them to women wearing bikinis, fig leafs and high heels. They were paired up in teams based on their Zodiac sign. I have no idea what they were saying, except when the host would say “O.K.!” It was so cheap; they couldn’t even coax the audience to cheer enough to make it even appear as if anyone involved with the show was actually having a good time. Simply put, it ruled. I watched 15 minutes of it.

*** In other news, Beckett has had occupational therapy this morning. He worked on getting dressed. He can put on a shirt, but not pants yet. Today is really about establishing a baseline; and setting goals for Beckett to work towards.

I’ll provide the full technical details; and the day’s progress in the more serious, end-of-day wrap-up.

Happy Tuesday, everyone. Now go find Telemundo …

– Ed, Heidi, Beckett and Brody